Reflections of the Past
by Vicodin-addict117
Summary: It is Cameron's story, which she have never told anyone. But one night the silence is broken. House will stay with her till the end and he'll discover that the main reason why Cameron is interested in him is NOT that she likes damaged people.
1. Chapter 1

Well firstly there're few things you need to know:

1) English is not my native language so I'm sorry for all those mistakes, which I've made:)

2) This is my first fan fiction ever! So reviews and criticism are welcome:)

3) I want to express my gratitude to **Whitequeen73** for being my Beta Reader! Thank you very much for your support and those nice comments which made me smile ( _ok end of the game! Get your quill and parchment and write 100 times: A-l-l-i-s-o-n! Go! :D)_

* * *

Cameron entered the conference room. It was 23.00 o'clock. She had finished her job two hours ago, but couldn't go home. She settled herself comfortably in the chair and sighed heavily. Then raised her hands and started rubbing her temples softly. She had a terrible headache, but that was not the main problem. She raised her eyes to the calendar, hanging on the wall opposite her...

She was right...

No matter, that she wanted to forget everything, she was right...

Each year passing by, she couldn't let her memories disappear.

7 years had passed away...

7 years full of never-ending pain and guilt...

Cameron felt tears slowly slipping through her cheeks. She grabbed a patient's file, which was considered as „boring" and tried to concentrate on it. Then she heard someone's steps in the corridor. She turned the page with the other hand trying to brush away her tears. House entered the room. He looked surprised, no matter, that light was turned on and he could easily see Cameron's figure through the glass. He stood in front of her and couldn't decide which one of his metaphors he should use in such situation.

"Ok. It's not because of our patient. It's not because you're mistaken time" House turned his head towards the clock, which hands were stopped on 23.10.

"I don't care about the reason why you are still here. But I need you tomorrow. So go home, Cameron"

She didn't react…

After almost 1 minute, she finally said "I have almost finished" and continued reading. House felt a curiosity growing inside him. He made a few steps and sat in front of his colleague. He didn't say any word, just followed her emotions. He was silent for some time; Cameron even forgot that he was still here. Than suddenly he stood up and hobbled to the board grabbing his black marker.

"It's time for a differential diagnosis! So what are his symptoms?"

"Excuse me?" Cameron looked surprised

"The symptoms!!" House yelled and the women in front of him flinched.

Cameron suddenly started looking at the patient's file trying to find missing information.

He grabbed the file from her hand and opened it in safe distance.

"So it's not only the symptoms you don't know, but even that our patient is "she""

His voice sounded like an echo in Cameron's head. She barely could separate the different words in the sentence. She leaned back and closed her eyes, feeling the warmth of tears behind her eyelids. House loudly shut the patient's file and that sound disappeared in uncomfortable silence. Neither of them knew what to say. House threw the last look at Cameron's site and started limping to his office. He was already grabbing the door's handle, when suddenly 3 silent words (so silent that for a few seconds he imagined that they only sounded in his head) stopped him.

"Please don't leave" House slowly turned to face her.

Cameron looked pale and tired; her eyes were full of tears, which couldn't wash away her pain. Her shoulders were slightly shaking, despite that the temperature in the room was normal. House started to regret that he had stopped.

He was not that kind of human, who could feel sympathy or who could comfort others, holding their hand. He even couldn't say that he was sorry for something bad to happen.

He didn't know how to react to others pain; because he was full of his own pain and misery. Finally he raised his eyes to Cameron again. There was something unusual with her look. At first, when he had entered the room, Cameron was afraid of eye contact. Her look quickly slipped through different details and she couldn't concentrate it even on the patient's file. But now she was looking directly into his eyes. She definitely wanted something. And House should guess what it was. He tried to avoid this look, but understood that it was important to find out everything and nothing was easier than reading his younger colleague's emotions.

But not this time…

Everything was definitely different. He made a few steps towards Cameron. There was no point in questioning. He sat in his chair trying to find a comfortable position. Cameron was slightly smiling. That smile terrified House more than her tears which were frozen in her eyes. He straightened his leg feeling familiar pain and pushed his hand in his shirt's pocket, searching for his Vicodin.

" We've spent together only 8 months, but I feel like he exists somewhere near me everywhere I go day after day, every minute of those seven years" Cameron's voice was barely audible.

" I can't remember what I said when he was dying, but I can't forget even the slightest detail of our previous conversations. I remember that day, when I saw him for the first time…

_Allison was sitting in front of the window in their anatomy lab. It was the first week of September. Someone had forgotten to close the blinds, so the sun was shining through arch-shaped windows straight into her face. She narrowed her eyes trying not to distract her attention from the atlas of anatomy. She moved her fingers slightly to the centre of the bone she was holding and smiled when understood that she was in the right position. She could easily feel the huge process between her fingers. Other students couldn't hold their attention for so long. They were talking about summer vacation and a party, which was supposed to be this Friday. They definitely were not in the mood for studying. Then suddenly the doors of the lab opened and everyone fell deep in their books. Allison raised her eyes and almost started laughing. It was not their professor, just another student. He passed almost half of the room and settled himself against Allison. No greeting, no questioning…_

"He was sitting almost in the same position as you are now, except your leg" Cameron continued her story.

_She was curious about the new guy in their group, but didn't betray herself. She focused again on her atlas. After __a __few minutes her thoughts sank in loud noise which was made by her colleague-students. But it wasn't the real reason why Allison read the same sentence again and again. That guy in front of her was acting so strange. He didn't even look at his atlas. He was holding bone samples and whispered the names of different structures so fast that she could barely separate them._

"_OK it's time to put your samples into this box. The practice is over"__the professor's loud __voice woke drowsy and tired students._

_In the group rippled a blissful murmur. All of them stood up and began packing their stuff. Except two students. Allison just wanted to finish her studies of the temporal bone. But the newcomer didn't react at all._

"For almost 10 minutes we were sitting in absolute silence" House didn't notice when Cameron stood up and now he heard her voice behind himself. She was standing so close, but at the same moment so far from him. House tried not to lose the point of the story.

"My thoughts were so shallow. I couldn't hold the attention even for 10 seconds after everybody had left the room."

_Allison assumed that she had finished today's plan and began packing her notes. She tried acting as usual, but that day her every movement was different. Maybe because of thoughts, which followed just one after another?_

"_Hey. It's time to go" Just after she said this short sentence, Allison noticed how silent the auditorium was before. _

"_Then go!" the answer was short and particular._

_Allison was shocked of his dissocial tone. She was already beginning opening her mouth to give him a setdown, but suddenly she heard her name._

"_Allison, are you still here? Do you want some samples that you can bring home? Anatomy professor was in really good mood._

"_Thank you very much I was already going" She turned around, threw the last look at the newcomer and started going towards the door._

"_I want all bone samples that you have" Allison recognized the same hostile voice._

"_OK Gerard, come with me"_

_Behind the door Allison_ _finally let herself calm down. That guy totally distracted her. "Anyway.. Why should I care? If he wants to be alone than I'll leave him"_

"But you didn't leave him? Did you?"- House stood up and made a few steps towards the window. He couldn't throw off the feeling that Cameron was noticing him. His instincts have failed him. She was looking through the only one window, which blinds weren't closed.

"Yes I did. But it didn't last very long" House sighed with relief. Cameron didn't notice the sarcasm, hidden behind that gasp.

_Allison was standing in the middle of the canteen trying to choose between the automat and the long queue in front of "Day's meal" Just before she started going_ _to the Automat Machine one of her colleague students grabbed a rim of Cameron's lab coat and pushed a cup of coffee into her free hand._

"_Thanks" Cameron murmured sipping her coffee and at the same time wrinkling her nose, because there was too much sugar in it. They found a free table in the corner and sat in front of each other. Cameron put the cup on the table regretting she hadn't bought it herself._

"_I hate this!" Sarah pulled a bunch of Microbiology summaries out of her bag and started repeating. Cameron still looked at the wall. After few minutes this detail attracted Sarah's attention._

"_Hey!!" she waved her hand in front of Cameron's face._

"_Don't you have anything to do? Or maybe you already know everything?"_

"_Oh my God the test!" Cameron almost spilled her coffee over the table._

"_Forget that damn test! What happened?"_

"_Nothing.. Just that guy! He totally annoyed me!" Cameron felt the irritation growing inside her again._

"_You should understand! Poor guy! He'll be dead soon anyway"_


	2. Chapter 2

Here we go! My second chapter!:)

I hope you'll like it, Dear Hameron Believers! If not don't hesitate to criticize me!:)))

* * *

"So you didn't know this?" House was leaning to the wall. The pain was worst in the night.

"I didn't care about all those rumors they were talking almost all the time. So I somehow missed this information" Cameron said simply.

"So let me guess" House recovered his traditional sarcastic tone.

"You came back to him, apologized and supported him until the end of his life. End of the story. Can I go now?"

"That's what you want to hear, right?" Cameron looked to the slightly opened doors than raised her head and saw that House was in pain. Actually, there was no need for her to look at her boss. She could feel his pain, but another detail caught Cameron's attention. He was afraid of what he could hear.

'You were angry, because he tore out your privilege to hate him" House's remark forced Cameron to flinch. She didn't think that she was able to express her feelings so precisely; nor that House was listening and interpreting every word so carefully.

* * *

„_What do you mean by that „He'll be soon dead anyway"? "Allison asked feeling her voice trembling __slightly from all those emotions she was coping with at the moment._

„_Don't you know that? I doubt if he even is in the student's list. I heard that he has cancer. The last stage. __Doctor's can't do anything"_

„_Was he on chemo? "_

„_Maybe he knows that he has not many chances. And by that „not many" I mean „no chances at all""_

"_No he doesn't know!" Allison objected._

"_Why are you so sure?" Sarah almost laughed at that crazy thought of her friend._

"_Because he is wasting his time" She stood up, grabbed her handbag and left the table with the almost full cup of coffee on it._

_Later she was sitting on __a __large windowsill in front of one of the unused auditoriums that was __at the end of the long hallway. She didn't want to talk __to anybody. Actually, it was not a big problem, because Allison hadn't have many friends. She was used to it. Sometimes she went out with __a __couple of guys or was going jogging with Sarah, but that was all. No matter everyone liked Allison, she just sometimes preferred loneliness __more._

_She closed her eyes and tried to imagine, what would happen if she suddenly discovered she was dying._

_If she was fighting with the disease or just closed her eyes and fell in deep sleep?_

_What she would be afraid of more: unbearable pain or leaving this place, which she called "home"?_

_Which things would be important and which just senseless details?_

_Would be the minutes, hours and days any different?_

_Allison sighed and raised her hands to her face.__That bright sunlight didn't match the emotions she was dealing with. She was so angry and sad __about __that she couldn't change anything._

_Her mobile phone rang. She answered speechless, but there was no point in talking._

"_Hey sweetie! Don't miss the test" Sarah's voice woke up Allison. She jumped off the sill and almost ran to their Microbiology lab._

"_Excuse me for being late" Allison apologized and sat in the first row._

"So all of you know the rules! No searching in books! No talking! No mobile phones!" Allison turned her mobile phone off, before the lecturer mentioned the last sentence.

_But Gerard wasn't there. Allison_ _only noticed that when she finished her job and was putting the answer's blank on the lecturer's table._

"_No mistakes"_

_She was still searching between her classmates for him._

"_Congratulations, Cameron!" She finally heard the voice of the lecturer._

"_What?" Allison didn't understand what she was talking about._

"_You got the highest grade! No mistakes. I've checked your work, while you were standing next to my table for 5 minutes"_

"_Thank you very much. I'm really happy" that were just meaningless words, because Allison forgot her test just after she had written the last sentence._

_She grabbed the paper and left __the auditorium. Just after she closed the door Allison sank in the chair standing near the room. She felt exhausted. Only after everybody had left the auditorium she forced herself to stand up. The bright light almost blinded her when she opened the huge doors and made the first step outside the building._

„_Hey All! " one of her classmates waved her and she sat on the bench __next to him, where another two guys from her course whom she didn't know were sitting._

„_Are you coming to the party on Friday? " The nonchalant tone alerted Allison to think twice before deciding._

„_I have another plans" suddenly Allison felt uncontrollable desire for running straight __home, because she had not much time for that meaningless conversation._

„_Maybe you can adjust your plans a little bit? " The guy smiled hoping it would work._

„_Sorry I have to go" she stood up and began going towards the main gates._

„ _Why? "Her classmate didn't give up hope._

„_To adjust my plans" Allison smiled after a silent thought have entered her mind._

_Knowing is always better than not knowing._

* * *

_„Sarah I need your help. Can we meet in 10 minutes in that cafeteria next to your house? Yeah... I'll explain later. Just... No... I've already said! Just come down! "_

* * *

„_That's the most craziest thought I've heard from you ever!"_

„_Sarah, please..." Allison made a glance of reproof._

„_Let me finish! I like this idea and I'll help you as much as I can" Sarah smiled thinking about all those intrigues which were supposed to follow after few days. No need to say, she was very curious._

„_Let me ask you..." She caught Allison's look, but wasn't allowed to continue._

„_Don't start!"_

„_Why are you doing this?" Sarah couldn't hold herself from asking._

* * *

„Why were you doing this whatever it was?" House felt deep in Sarah's position.

„ I just couldn't let him waist his time!"

„That was none of your business" House pointed out, but Cameron didn't give up.

„ It was a secret. It's the same you're doing all the time! Everybody lies! That's how you think! We need to find out where all lies are hidden and then we know what caused all symptoms, we treat the disease and discharge happy patient" the almost yelling Cameron turned around.

House stepped towards her; she could easily feel the warmth of his body. He was standing so close. She was always loosing her mind in such situations. It was the best way to manipulate her. House knew this, but it's not the main reason why he wanted to be so close. He was sure that in short period of time he is going to hurt her. He always treated her in that way. He hurt her, but always was on her side. House wanted to make her stronger and to protect her at the same time.

„ If it was just a puzzle.." House leaned forward reducing distance from their bodies as much as he could let himself.

„ ...so why do you regret this decision?"...

* * *

to be continued... at the moment I'm working with 3rd chapter:)


	3. Chapter 3

Again I'm very grateful to whitequeen73! Thank you, dear, for all those nice comments!! You know, how much it means to me!!:)

* * *

„ If it was just a puzzle..." House leaned forward, reducing the distance between their bodies as much as he could let himself.

„ ...then why do you regret this decision?" after the end of the question, House expected Cameron to protest.

„ Maybe knowing was not enough? Maybe it was more than just a puzzle? "

„ What do you mean by that? " House frowned his eyebrows feeling curiosity and discomfort at the same time. Curiosity because she didn't react the way he predicted and discomfort, because she was standing so close to him.

„ I had only one possibility – to become who I am now. Sooner or later. That doesn't matter. I chose the first one. I solved my puzzle. Everything is over".

„No you're wrong! "House yelled at the woman standing in front of him.

„It persecutes you in every step! It affects your decisions. It doesn't let you to become a good doctor! " The last sentence surely wasn't what he wanted to say, but Cameron was smiling.

It was a sorrowful smile and House thought that it would be much better if she was crying.

„Maybe we are more similar than you've ever thought? "

The sudden change of topic left House in a fluster. He got back from her. He couldn't manage to string that ocean of words together which were twisting in his mind.

„It's always easier when you don't care, but that's only a measure to hide your fear. It's just a protection of being hurt. You can simply say „You have lung cancer. Terminal stage. We can't do anything to save you" And if you're in a good mood you add sometimes „I'm very sorry""

After each word she was reducing the distance towards him, looking into his eyes, indirectly pushing him away till that minute when he would reach the dead-end. When he wouldn't have a possibility to make even one small step.

„You're so concentrated in your cases… So obsessed with solving puzzles… But you still can't forget human's faces when you say that you can't do anything for them. When they discover that they are going to die in short period. One more month left, in best case, a year. You could die instead of them, because you have nothing to loose. You just don't understand why they appreciate this mad world so much".

House raised his hand and got hold on Cameron's wrist, forcing her to stop.

„But your fear makes you a human being. You are afraid of feelings as much as showing emotions. That's your Achilles heel. But you wouldn't need protection if you had nothing to hide. It means you still can feel. This is the reason why I admire you so much" she grabbed House's free hand and he instinctively released hers.

„You're wrong" with unseeing eyes House turned his head to the door, searching for escape.

Cameron gave him a slight stroke, at the same time turning his head to the previous position.

„You're lying"

„You suck at psychoanalysis" House didn't want to be rude, but those words sounded as hard as they were.

„You don't need to remind me of my medical degree. Nevertheless, I still don't believe you"

She turned around and went back to the window. The rain was chopping the glass and that irregular sound suddenly became rhythmic with House's heart, which was pounding fast in his chest.

„Then why were you doing this? " House couldn't believe that it was his voice and he was still in the same room with Cameron.

* * *

„_I just need your help... Please, promise me you won't tell anyone what I'm doing"_

„_You know I'm quite bad at keeping secrets" Sarah giggled._

„_I know that it's hard to keep secrets __and it's always__ easier to reveal them. That's for sure! Are you interested in my personal business __so much __that you __forgot that__ I also know some kind of embarrassing information? "Allison leaned forward with __a solemn__ face._

„_Are you_ _threatening me? " Sarah couldn't believe what she __had just__ heard._

„_No__,__ silly! " Cameron began to laugh._

_Despite tha__t,__ her friend was still staring at her __mistrustfully._

„_I was just kidding" Allison gave her a wink._

„_Anyway I need to go! See you tomorrow" She instantly finished her coffee and left Sarah speechless with a full glass of orange juice in her right hand._

* * *

"_Allison, __just give the keys back to the watcher__ when you finish. I need to go"_

"_Good night, professor!" Allison's look accompanied the __old man__ till he closed the door._

_She didn't dare to make a simple movement__. The professor's steps echoed in the silent__ hallways. Then finally Allison heard muted voices __and the swing__ of a door._

_She stood up and pushed those few books she had deep in her bag. Than she raised the __keys the__ professor gave her. It was hard to separate that bunch of different keys connected via __an old__ chain, especially in __the twilight__, but she was good at noticing details._

_She remembered that day when she was talking __with the professor__ about test results and he was locking his cabinet's door at the __same time._

"_It's this one" Allison slightly stroked the cold metal._

_The classroom was empty, but she __couldn't throw that strange feeling away that someone was__ noticing her every step._

"_Calm down, Allison" she said to herself and smiled when understood how silly it was._

_There was no__-__one in that dark and silent auditorium._

_Except a young woman, noticing and estimating __each s__tep she made. But Allison's self-criticism didn't protect her that time. She knew that she __was making a mistake__, but couldn't control herself anymore._

* * *

"Wow! If I knew this earlier, I wouldn't have hired Foreman to break into patient's houses!"

"Next time you should make up a better reason" A slight smile was playing on Cameron's lips.

House also gave her a smile. He never thought she could do such a thing, but then he caught himself lost in memories, how she wanted to keep that fat patient with undiagnosed lung cancer in the hospital as long as possible, and she drugged him. He shook his head trying to delete those memories which forced him to laugh like an idiot.

Then he felt proud of himself and his good influence on Cameron.

But this evening was breaking House's stereotypes as he discovered how much he still doesn't know about his colleague.

"It was fun" Cameron admitted.

"Huh?" House tried to be serious, but that was the best voice's expression he could manage, repressing laughter which threatened to burst out from his chest.

"Everything is fun when it's just a game"

* * *

"_Please, can you __repeat it just__ one more time? Literally… Yeah…I know his name…_

_Hey, Nick!! Stop doing this! It's not for you, Allie!" She heard girlish giggle on the other side of receiver. _

"_Please, try to concentrate!" Allison was also smiling despite that she was not __in the__ room in which __she was__ supposed to be._

"_G-R-E-H-E-M" Sarah disorderly scribbled __on a piece of paper she had just__ torn out from her book._

"_Ok so __when will we__ need to be there?" Sarah's voice sounded as serious as it could be when your boyfriend is kissing your neck with the other hand trying to snatch away the mobile phone you're __holding in the hand__._

_"We?" Sarah felt her best friend's voice dissatisfied even through the receiver._

_"Did you think I'll manage to break into someone's house alone?_

_"What? Sarah, were you listening to me? I didn't say you would need to break into his room! Just take a key from the porter's lodge! That's all! Why do you always need to involve strangers?" Allison couldn't hold her anger any longer._

_"Nick is not a stranger!" Sarah protested._

_"So he knows about the plan?" Allison sighed._

_"What plan?" Suddenly she heard Nick's voice._

_"Oh nothing…" Just after she heard Sarah's explanations, Allison understood that she almost ruined everything._

_She pressed the conversation-end button and wanted to leave the cabinet. Then she heard someone's steps in the auditorium. She instantly closed the drawer and turned off the light. Just then she remembered that she was still holding the student's list. She silently opened the drawer and put the thick copybook in it. Then the footsteps hushed. From that sudden silence Allison just froze. Her mind didn't function properly. She almost made a fatal mistake. But after a few seconds, which elapsed like hours in Allison's world, a rough sound followed, made by one of the chairs moved to the table. She finally let herself to breathe in. Then she started looking around the cabinet. It was difficult to do that in the dark, but nevertheless she differentiated another entry, which was likely leading to the place where students were performing autopsies. She stilly approached the door and pressed down its handle. The door wasn't locked! Allison entered the prosectorium. Her hearing was so tensed, because she couldn't let herself to nod even the slightest sound's change in the room beside. But it wasn't necessary, because after a few moments her own mobile phone began ringing. She turned sharp right and shut away in the small room students used to be dressing in._

_"Hello" she turned on the light._

_"Hey Allie! I just wanted to apologize for that…"_

_"Ok I'm already going. Yeah, yeah… I've finished today's job" Allison's casual tone mismatched the situation she was drawn in._

_"Is everything OK?" Sarah felt that something was definitely going on at the moment._

_"Ok, Mom! Good night!" at the same time Allison was putting someone's lab coat._

_She just caught a book from the shelf standing in the corner when the steps fell silent with someone reaching the door Allison was standing behind._

_"You?" Gerard was astonished at the view he saw after he opened the doors._

_"Why are you so surprised?" Allison made an innocent look._

_"The entrance wasn't locked so there had to be someone here. Don't you think so?" She smiled gently._

_"You've surprised me" He still looked incredulous._

_"Really? I think there aren't many things that can surprise you…"_

_He didn't answer just stared at her. Allison noticed a large scar on his neck. Gerard caught her look._

_"Aren't you supposed to go now?" He asked with uncontrollable anger in his voice._

_Allison didn't know how to react. Her emotions almost tore her apart. On the one hand she wanted to hurt him, because he was such an ass, but on the other hand she felt sorry for him._

_"Because you're supposed to hide from everyone, I should be supposed to leave you?"_

_Gerard burst out laughing. It was not a happy human's laughter, but that another desperate one. His lips were smiling, but the eyes were just like the dark tunnels and no matter how long Allison looked into them, there was no light to be found._

_"Oh you're trying to be funny"_

_"And you're trying to hide your fear of being with another human" Allison deflected his comment._

_She made a few steps and stopped just in front of him. Allison noticed that his hands were trembling from tension. She smiled slightly and stroked his hand. Gerard raised his eyes and at that moment Allison couldn't throw away the feeling that something inside her has changed forever._

_"Gerard, you shouldn't be afraid of me"_

_He remained silent, it was just his look that suddenly became so sad._

_"You should leave"_

_"No I shouldn't, but I will" She released his hand, closed the door and submerged into darkness._

_Gerard raised his hand, still feeling Allison's soft skin on his wrist. His cold hands finally were thawed out. He leaned to the table feeling that he'll soon collapse. His heart was bleeding. And the fear he was trying to suppress for so long caught him again and left breathless. He was just a pathetic invalid so afraid of dying that he already was dead. He was too weak to stand those emotions an almost unknown girl left inside him. And suddenly he felt so lonely, because he could still smell the perfume and hear her voice, but she wasn't with him anymore. "She is an angel…" Gerard thought, regretting that she didn't take his life away as she left the room._


	4. Chapter 4

Sorry it took so long to upload my new chapter, but I was really busy with my studies :'((

I promise the next one won't be so sad...

* * *

_A __breathless Allison charged upstairs. Only when she reached the door of her room __in the__ student's house she finally let __herself breathe out. She unlocked the door and shut it with a thunder. Few steps and she almost fainted in the entryway. She was afraid to unmask her emotions even in a silent and dark room. Allison knew that no one can hear her, but she still was afraid to diffuse a single sound. She clenched her fists as strong as she could manage. All those past memories caught her and she felt lost in the neverending labyrinth with no escape._

_She remembered a washed-out smile on her mother's face when she closed her eyes and couldn't make even the last look at her daughter. She remembered her cold skin. Allison held her mother's hand for so long that she almost froze and died with her…_

* * *

"I didn't know this…" House just wanted to turn Cameron's attention away from her sorrow, but that silly excuse was not the best decision to do this.

Cameron wiped away those tears, which made House feel uncomfortable.

"I mean, I'm really sorry for you" he approached her and was already raising his hand towards her wet face.

"House, don't" she shrank.

"I just wanted…" he didn't understand what he was doing. "Those stupid emotions" he thought, ashamed that he let his caring side shown. Actually, he didn't think he had one. That movement was a surprise not only for Cameron but even for himself.

"You can't change anything" He couldn't object this statement. She was right.

"I was six years old…" Cameron raised her hand and sheltered it to the glass. She wasn't looking at the other person who was in the same room next to her. House thought that if he was standing outside the building he could easily see how the small rain drops tumble on her palm and weave lower over the glass. And then he could simply believe that those tears are just small raindrops washing her tired face and bringing the salvation. But he was there, feeling her pain and the rain outside brought only sadness.

"My mother was the only one who maintained our family. She was working very hard. That year when she died I was in the first class. The other children already went home. It was usual. I was the one who entered school's gates the same moment as they were opened and when I was already going home, they were locked behind my back. I never complained, because I knew how much efforts it takes from my mother to work as hard as she did everyday. She had no weekends, no vacation. Just those little occasions to kiss my forehead when I was already sleeping. I was dreaming…" Cameron's voice stuttered and she had to take a few deep breaths so that she could continue her story further.

"…I was dreaming that when I grow up I work as hard as she does just for her to be able to get some rest. It was a rainy November's day. I was sitting on the sofa near the gatekeeper's post. I remember that tasteful smell, which floated from the huge sandwich he was holding in his hand. I was so hungry" Cameron smiled from that absurd sentence. It sounded stupid for a doctor, who gets a solid salary, but she couldn't forget the situation in those early years of her life. Sometimes the ability to understand the meaning of "Nothing" helps people to value "Something". All her life Cameron was grateful for everything she got. Just nothing could really fill the abyss inside her.

"…I could have gone away from him, but I was more afraid of the dark and silent corridors. So I stayed still on the sofa watching the rain and drawing a birthday card for my Mom. After a few minutes I heard a noisy creak of the opening gateway. My heart almost jumped from happiness! I promptly pulled on my coat, grabbed a bag and pushed the main door. It was freezing outside. Hard drops were chopping my skin; it was difficult even to breathe in. I ran to my aunt and hugged her. She was crying. The whole world was crying. And I thought it was just raining. She squeezed me and said "Allison, I'm very sorry, your mother is dying" Cameron retracted her look from the rain outside the building. She was afraid that it could bring her to that day… That suddenly everything could disappear and she would remain in that dirty courtyard alone.

"It was like a dream… a beautiful dream" House contracted the forehead, wondering if he has heard it correctly.

"We called a taxi. The hospital was on the other side of the city, near my mother's workplace. It was the first time I was sitting inside a car. Leather seats, darkened glasses, the driver's friendly look at the little girl sitting behind him - everything surprised me. My aunt navigated him almost without any words, or maybe I just didn't hear them. My look was focused on the never-seen world outside the cab. Sometimes it seemed that we were flying, of course not very high. Every turn was similar to the swing of a carousel. The rain was pouring down on awry people's faces and I was feeling comfy and warm. I saw unfamiliar people, but I felt so safe, because they couldn't see me. And the colorful lights and flashes almost hypnotized me! My eyes followed them as long as it was possible and then met other shades. I've never imagined that such a variety of colors even exists!" Cameron sighed.

"When the cab reached the main hospital's entrance I was sleeping. There were too many impressions for that day. My aunt gave me a slight shake and I opened my eyes. I thought I was still dreaming. The building looked just miraculous! The glaring light spreading through the vitreous door almost blinded me. I opened the cab's door and made the first steps towards that cruel world that still seemed like a fairytale for me. We reached the information. When my aunt was talking with one of the nurses, her colleague gave me a candy. I pushed it into one of my bag's pockets and happily thought that I could give it to my mother. I imagined how her face would shine when she got it. Then my aunt grabbed my hand and we started that long trip through the misleading corridors. Left, right, right, left again, a few floors up then left again…" House already lost the sequence of their trip, but he was more focused on Cameron's lips, which were telling those directions as if they were learnt by heart. Her eyes were nearly closed, it seemed like she was falling into deep sleep after a very exhausting day.

"Then the last long hallway… I was still amazed of all those doctors with white lab coats and stethoscopes hung over their necks. One doctor even gave me a half-smile. "Allison, here we are" my pathfinder put her hand on my shoulder. I turned my head and met my mother's eyes staring at me over the glass. I stepped forward and the doors opened automatically. "Hey Mommy, look what I brought you!" I started desperately searching for that almost melted candy in my bag. Then I heard her silent voice. That day I didn't understand the following conversation between the two sisters. "Why did you take Allie here?" My mother asked. "Heather, it's your last chance!" I didn't understand why her voice suddenly became so harsh. I was angry with my aunt and couldn't justify that explosive sally of hidden anger. "It's for you!" I stretched my "present" and laid it on the table standing next to her bed. Just then I saw that bowl full of blood. I imagine that I looked terrified at the moment; because my mother gathered all the energy she still had and started shouting "Do you see now? Please, take my daughter away from me!" "No" I clawed hold of her hand and tried to hug her but she pushed me away. Well not directly, she was too weak for it. I just felt that I must go, because she needed to rest. I sat on the floor outside her ward and listened to the hushed voices, but my heart was beating so fast that I practically didn't hear anything that they said, except the last sentence. "I'll never forgive you that you let Allie see me like this!" I felt…" Cameron raised her hands towards her face as if she was thinking that this would hide all her heartache.

This time House acted more unhesitatingly. He pushed his cane towards the table, made two painful steps and dragged her hands away. She still didn't breath, because she felt that if she took one single inspiration, all those emotions would be converted into tears. He put his arms around her waist pulling her close. She snuggled against his chest. House raised his head to the ceiling, smoothing Cameron's back. He just hated to see her crying. It was much better when he had no possibility to notice that sadness erasing her smile and extinguishing that desire of being happy, which was so obvious when she was looking to him. Now he could simply believe that nothing happened. Just the two of them standing in a half-lighted conference room, Cameron gently resting her head on his shoulder. If he just could hold her like this forever. Strongly as a real man, not a damn cripple. House felt that his leg was killing him and after a few moments he wasn't sure if Cameron was leaning towards him or just he took hold of her, because of that disabled leg. But it was nothing in comparison with that pain, which pierced all his body, when Cameron started sobbing.

* * *

"_Allison, we are going home" she felt a cold hand gripping hers._

"_No!" Allison raised her eyes protesting._

_Her aunt was not in the mood of making jokes, but suddenly the monitor in the next room started bleeping and both of them __froze.__ The nurses almost ran to the ward. Allison felt that her world __was swinging__ at every step they made and __she propped__ against the wall, because __that dizziness__ was threatening to take away the ability to __memorize__ those minutes spent in total horror. She turned and sheltered a little hand to the glass praying that this nightmare would end. She didn't see her mother through the doctor's __backs, bent over her bed. __But that long and regular sound was more informative than any word she could get that moment. "Time of death…" she heard one of the doctors saying after he raised his eyes to the clock hanging on the wall in front of him__,__ just a little bit higher than her mother's head. One of the nurses' __wrapped the__ patient's face. _

_"I'm very sorry" the doctor said to __the __patient's sister as he __left __the room. _

_"You can say a goodbye to her"_

_Allison romped through the only one person who tried to hold her as long a__s possible__ and stormed into the ward. Then she raised the sheet and saw a familiar face. That was her mother. No __matter that__ she wasn't breathing and her __skin was supposed__ to become cold and numb in a few hours – that didn't matter. She wasn't dead! She couldn't be dead! Allison stroked her still warm hand and holding it lay down next to __her, embracing__ her mother's neck. _

_"I'll be good, I promise I'll be good… Just wake up… Wake up" she said it mostly to herself. _

_When __Allison fell asleep, her aunt took her and carried her to__ the cab._

_She woke up the next morning having a high temperature._

"_How are you feeling, dear__?" her aunt put__ her hand to the girl's forehead._

'_Where's my Mommy?" she tried to get up, but was too weak._

"_I'll bring you some tea" almost with the tears in her eyes__,__ her aunt left the darkened_ _room._

_When she came back__,__ Allison sat in her bed, her knees bent. Holding them she swung forward and then a little bit __backward__. She didn't make any __sound, just__ her dry lips were moving. _

"_Allison…" but she didn't finish her sentence, because when she closed __on,__ she finally heard that silent prayer…_

"_God please let me __wake__ up… Help me to wake up… I want to wake up"_

"_Oh dear" __she hugged__ her niece._

"_It's just a dream… just a dream" Allison kept repeating._

* * *

It was the first time Cameron let herself remember every slight detail of her mother's death. She felt an uncontrollable desire to sit on the ground, bend her knees and… But she knew that it was not a nightmare. Just a shadow from the past, which darkened every further step in the future.

"I just wanted to give her a little hope. The last smile. The knowing of how much she means to me. How much I love her. How much grateful I am for everything she gave to me. But she died alone. She wanted to protect me till the last minute of her life. She thought that I deserve a better future and withdrew the expensive cancer treatment. I was too little to understand the meaning of this and to be honest…" she raised her sad eyes and met his.

"…I still don't understand" House wanted to stop the tear running through her cheek, but it dropped on his raised hand almost burning the skin.


	5. Chapter 5

_Gerard squeezed __himself__ through the excited crowd near the main entrance to the hostel. _

_He instinctively __slid__ his hand through a small __window while the__ watcher was staring at the TV's screen. He knew where the key from his room was hanging. Gerard was so sure __that first__ he didn't understand that his hand __was grabbing__ the air. _

"_Which key are you trying to find?" The watcher finally noticed the guy standing in front of her lodge._

"_416" Gerard murmured._

"_It's already taken" The old woman concentrated on the TV show again._

"_Excuse me?" He couldn't believe what __he had just__ heard._

_She gave him a frustrated look._

"_I live alone. Who took it?" Gerard was almost losing __the__ control._

"_I don't know__,__ the shift has changed recently"_

_He turned around and almost ran upstairs. Just when he reached the fourth floor, Gerard understood that it was important to calm down. It could be anybody…_

_It was __Friday __evening, including a lot of drunken students preparing for the party. _

_Someone was just making fun __with__ him._

_He couldn't let himself to lose control and self-confidence._

_Gerard took a few deep breaths and pretended that everything was the same as any other evening; the same pain, the same weakness and loneliness, following him as an old and well-known fellow._

_He pushed the handle of the door. It wasn't locked as he expected. _

_But he couldn't even __imagine whom he would see__ behind those doors. _

_He flinched when a girl standing in front of him turned around. They didn't say any word to each other, both __waiting for the other to__ start the conversation. He felt the dizziness occupying his entire mind as she __stepped close to__ him. Gerard turned his look from her confused eyes (which probably were just a reflection of his own look) because he was almost sure that __he would__ drown in the depth of them._ _He tried __to focus__ his attention on anything except Allison, but it was hard as Gerard followed every strand waving over her shoulder. "Damn, she's so beautiful" It was the only one thought circulating in his mind and __suppressing all__ the questions he was supposed to ask at the moment._

_He saw her only a few times earlier. It was always the same. White perfectly ironed lab coat, hair __smoothly c__ombed in __a ponytail and that__ concentrated expression she forgot __to leave __even when she was drinking her coffee._

_Now in front of him was standing a definitely different woman. _

_Allison changed almost without any efforts. It wasn't that traditional transformation and it __hadn't been__ done just to impress him. It was more subtle and untouchable. He slowly followed every detail. Her intense brown hair was loosened and the strands were slipping down over the shoulders__,__ some of them covering the dark unbuttoned jacket and the __others disappearing__ behind her back. Under the jacket she was wearing ivory tunic, which would __be too vulgar__ if Allison __hadn't have her black jeans on that__ matched to the jacket. _

"_What are you doing in my room?" Gerard __made the first__ step, looking quite aggressive._

"_I didn't want to wait in the corridor. So I decided…"_

"_I didn't remember we had an appointment" His voice was angry. When Gerard finally felt that annoyed intonation __echoing in his head, he almost felt ashamed__._

"_OK. Write!" Allison grabbed a notebook from the table and shoved it into Gerard's hand. _

"_Friday, 10PM, Lobby, Allison Cameron " She pronounced every word emphatically. _

_He almost started laughing, because his new classmate reminded him of one lecturer so much!_

"_I'll be waiting" Allison released the key from the room 416 and it sank in his pocket. _

_***_

_Gerard raised his notebook still feeling shocked. He opened __today's schedule and__ smiled sadly. _

_12AM – Dr. Kauffmann_

_He skipped his appointment today. _

_***_

_Allison wasn't sure __whether she would see__ Gerard in the lobby, but she wished it would happen as soon __as possible,__ because now everybody was greeting her and asking what she __was __doing in the guy's hostel. Finally she deviated from the crowd and hid in the dark corner near the huge broad-leaved potted plant, which name she didn't know. __Standing cross-armed she focused her look on the stairs__,__ patiently waiting for Gerard to come down. _

_***_

"Were you so sure he would come?" that was the first remark from House after she had stopped crying in his embrace and moved further from him (she was sitting on the chair with her back to him and although he couldn't see her face, it seemed like she was feeling a little bit better).

House was standing behind her, because he wasn't sure if he was already able to see another rush of Cameron's tears, nor if he could stand up after he settled himself in another chair because of that pulsing pain in his thigh.

"Damn" House thought when he understood that he was holding his hand on the backrest of Cameron's chair. He slowly lowered it wondering if she felt that delicate brush over her hair, which he didn't want to happen, his hand just slipped a little bit lower than he expected.

For God's sake, why he was holding that hand there anyway? Just after she had withdrawn from him he wasn't sure where to keep his hands or where to look further. Especially he didn't know what to say; Cameron, I'm very sorry for your loss/ you should be strong and keep living/ the time will heal all your wounds – those mere commonplaces were making House sick.

It was a great success that she sat in that chair and after a few minutes resumed her story. But now when he has interrupted her, the following silence gave him too many chances to remember the previous events.

"Well not so sure like I was answering your question why I liked you. I mean… "Cameron thought that out of all possible examples she chose the most inadequate one, but it was already too late to retract those words.

"… that it is simple to say something that only depends on you and your feelings." House couldn't agree with that, but didn't open his mouth to object her, because he was freaked out when suddenly remembered her standing in his apartment, looking directly in his eyes and unfolding all those reasons.

He didn't want to come back to that issue.

"But when it touches another human and his decisions you can't be so sure anymore" Cameron finally answered.

***

_Allison knew how slow the __time elapses__ when you're waiting for someone, so she tried not to look to the watch. The__ lobby__ was almost empty, but the silence seemed to be lost forever, because a loud laughter and exited people's voices where spreading even through the thick walls. She sighed and brushed away the unruly strands of her loosen hair. Almost a __half-hour__ had passed away (she couldn't resist noticing the hand of the clock as it slowly moved to the right)_.

"_Hey!" She turned her head to the familiar voice (but not the one she wanted to hear at the moment)_

"_What are you doing here?" her classmate seemed very happy to see her __there__._

"_Sorry__,__ that has nothing to do with your previous offer" Allison didn't want to sound coarse, but also she hadn't even the __slightest__ intention to continue this conversation._

_There was no need to say that she didn't enjoy his company, although Allison tried to understand and respect all people she knew._ _But it was hard to feel the same about this arrogant and full of self-confidence rich daddy's boy. He didn't bother himself with studying. Why, for God's sake, he should do this? He already had a secure job place in the __private clinic and laughed at__ everyone who worked very hard to reach their dreams, treating them like they were complete losers. But when Allison was near him everything changed. He used to draw on his mask, which was so successful in hunting girls and tried to impress her. She knew the main reason of this "I'll be good just give me some attention" __behavior__ and it always made her sick. Being as pretty as she was, __it__ wasn't the easiest __task __to make people listen to what she was trying to say very carefully. _

"_You look very pretty" He was acting like the last sentence Allison __said had meant__ nothing._

"_Won't you be late? It's already 10.40!" She felt a sudden rush of a cold when understood that she has been waiting for Gerard for almost 40 minutes._

"_No hurry" He smiled__, eyes__ still focused on Allison. _

_She overtook him and walked to the stairs. That was not the best decision, because now she could feel his erratic breathing behind her back._ _Allison just didn't want to give him a possibility __to come__ even __one __step closer. Here in a spacious lobby she at least __had space to__ run away from him. Allison wasn't that weak-kneed __type, but she __saw his eyes and he definitely was on some kind of __strong drug__. She could tell that even from __the way he moved._

"_You really look very pretty" He raise__d his hand and, slowly lowering it, put it on Allison's shoulder._

_She turned around and gripped his wrist._

"_Don't start" Allison's eyes were burning from fierceness._

"_No! Y__ou shouldn't start everything… Your hungry look and that evil smile when you see me. I know that you want me… Just…" He raised his hands to the head and staggered._

"_Are you okay?"__ Allison noticed that suddenly his face became pale as a white paper sheet and his look wasn't __focused__ anymore. _

"_I am…" His lips were moving __but his__ mouth was so dry that his tongue __couldn't form__ a simple word anymore._

_She squeezed her hand to the carotid artery the same moment__ checking__ his heartbeat with the other hand. He was having a tachycardia. _

"_Please, sit down" She helped him to bend his knees and lowered his head when he was already sitting on the third stair._

"_I'll call an ambulance" Still looking after him and reassuring that her classmate was still conscious__,__ Allison dialed 911._

_She __was already raising__ her mobile phone __to her ear when__ someone grabbed a phone from her hand and turned it off._

"_What the…"__ She turned around and faced Gerard._

"_He's such an ass and you're still saving his worthless life?"_

"_Give me the __phone back!"__ Allison said gently._

"_Relax doctor, he's not dying" Allison wasn't able to decide if he was smiling from pity or disgust._

_Gerard leaned towards the sitting guy looked to his eyes and started counting the blood pressure and heart's rate._

"_He overdosed" Allison was the first one that diagnosed the patient._

"_I know" Gerard opened Allison's mobile phone and started dealing __an unknown__ number._

"_What are you doing? We need to call an ambulance!" she protested._

"_I don't want you to have problems with him. I'm calling his dad"_

_Allison didn't hear the __following conversation__, because she was more focused __on the overdosed guy's frequent and superficial b__reathing. He silently murmured something, but Allison wasn't able to understand even __a single__ word from that jumble__. All she heard was the__ clap of her phone__,__ and after a few seconds__,__ she felt it in her jacket's pocket._

"_One of his father's subordinates will be here in a moment" he said efficiently, but when Allison raised her eyes to him__,__ he looked __disgusted at this__ messy situation._

"_Thank you for your help, you can go now" Allison didn't want to force him to__ experience__ all those feelings he probably was supposed to have inside him._

"_In that case you also should leave" Allison gave him a confused look._

"_He __hurt you__, but you are still here. You didn't leave him…"_

"_That's different. He __almost collapsed__" Allison __just remembered those__ previous events._

"_No! You should be afraid of him! You should hate him! And I… "He suddenly __thought that__ he wanted to find the right words to express __himself correctly._

"_I should hate __him too__… __Because without__ those stupid drugs he's using he could be a healthy guy, living a wonderful life… A life __that __is taken away from me… " His voice suddenly became so sad._

_Allison couldn't think of __anything that could contradict__ this statement, because it was too __obvious__… and too painful at the __same time__._

"_But we're here! And do you know why? Because in spite of everything__,__ he is our patient and that's what the doctors do" Allison suddenly understood that she was so wrong thinking he felt disgust. _

_It was just compassion from a man who was condemned and watched the other human killing himself..._


	6. Chapter 6

Thank you dear Allie, for inspiring me (even if that was done in the level of subconsciousness :')))

* * *

Feeling House's intent look, Cameron couldn't concentrate on her story anymore. She turned her head towards him, hoping that this will avoid that uncomfortable staring. Cameron didn't think he was standing so close to her. Now she was surprised that she didn't hear his breathing…

House wasn't looking at her, but she was sure that he turned his gaze away just a second before she turned her head. His body language told her that, and she smiled thinking if he felt her examining him so precisely. She looked at his hands and thought that it was strange he didn't hold anything. She was used to him playing with his cane or large tennis ball or simply pressing the buttons of one of his computer games. But his hands remained still and that nonchalant look didn't match the man she was seeing almost everyday. House understood that he couldn't look to the wall for the rest of this evening and lowered his eyes meeting Cameron's.

"Please, don't say that your story contains commercial breaks. C'mmon I want to hear something dramatic!"

She didn't answer.

Cameron was just grateful to him for staying with her for so long. Actually, she felt like she was dreaming. But it was a very realistic dream and at the same moment it was the most unpredictable one.

Suddenly she felt so small and vulnerable. It didn't happen because he was standing in front of her and she had to raise her head if she wanted to steal a moment of reassurance from his eyes, but because she remembered that it was for real and she was telling her boss those memories she tried to suppress for so long. Cameron thought that they were locked inside her mind forever. Why him? She asked herself many times and each time she couldn't find the proper answer. She knew some people who were created for listening and they were much more understanding. House was definitely not that type. But he was the one in the same room with her and maybe it was just a coincidence but deep inside her heart Cameron denied that eventuality, because she could tell this man everything.

House made one painful step closer to her. She felt that his muscles tensed when he leaned towards her, putting his hand on her elbow-rest, almost embracing her. Cameron stopped breathing and her whole body shivered when he was so close she could smell his skin. She understood that it was the best moment to close her eyes finally, but the fear that everything could be just another dream had stopped her. She remained as still as possible when your heart is about to explode.

If only she could close her eyes… Then he would have a few additional seconds gently stroke her eyelids with the last look before he retracts from her, leaving her far away from all that pain, slightly smiling, probably because of those beautiful dreams she would be having. Even House knew that it was not the right moment for anything more.

He grabbed his cane that was propped against the table and limped to the counter.

Cameron closed her eyes, trying to save the last memory, but suddenly felt so annoyed because of her own stupidity. He just wanted to take his cane and what the hell she was thinking? Cameron rose from the chair and turned to House with arms crossed on her chest, and a questioning look focused at the man in front of her.

"What?" House raised an eyebrow.

"I just wanted to get some chips, before the continuation" he simply said after a short moment of silence, turned around and limped to the counter.

She began vacantly walking around the room. The irritancy inside her was growing with every step she made. She was tired of feeling so much at the same time. If she just could leave some of them for a single moment! House was examining her distracted look, but didn't understand that he was the main reason of all this.

"For God's sake, could you stop circling around that table like some…?" House almost spilled the coffee from his red mug (probably "the mug" was a metaphor of "chips") trying not to hit Cameron.

She didn't hear the end of this sentence, because suddenly she went back to the darkened hallway and met Gerard's eyes.

House stopped and pierced her with the look that was more penetrative than X-ray.

* * *

"_What the __hell were you doing here anyway?" Gerard's anxious tone deleted almost all memories about their previous conversation (after their "patient" probably was on the way home) from Allison's head._

_She was speechless._

"_Well… __let's think, maybe I was waiting for you to come?" She couldn't understand how he could blame her for waiting so long._

"_You were the one who organized this "meeting"!" It was impossible not to notice the sarcasm when he told the last word, but Allison didn't give up._

"_So what were you doing after those 40 minutes in the hallway? Why did you come down?" She didn't leave him another option and because he didn't want to lie for her, a long pause followed after this question._

"_What do you want from me?" It was not a question. _

_Allison was fast to understand that he always had his own theories about everything._

"_What do you think I want from you?" She turned his question back on him._

_Now __Gerard __was left in confusion._

"_I offer you my friendship. I think that it is unfair that you're killing yourself before your death." _

"_You offer me a fake hope! I resigned myself to my fate! I'm ready to leave this place. There's no point in believing that a miracle can save me. Do you think your friendship could heal my cancer?" _

"_You're not resigned, you're scared to death!" Allison also raised her voice, as if this could have helped to defend herself from Gerard's hateful look._

"I don't promise you any treatment! But there are miracles in this world! One of them would be if you stopped having mercy on yourself and opened your eyes seeing that there is still beauty left in this world! It's your last chance… You should appreciate every coming day like no one else on this planet! If I knew this before…" Allison buried her face in her hands, but after few seconds, she raised them, plunging her fingers in her hair and flicking it from her sad face.

"_Who are you talking about?" Gerard gripped her hand and it helped Allison to defend her fear of eye contact._

_She raised her tearful eyes to him and saw the reflection of shame in his. He hated not her, but his own disability to control his emotions. _

_She was right - he was afraid… _

_But he was still there with her and nothing else mattered that moment. Allison knew she won't fail again. She embraced his neck and that moment Gerard was sure that there was no pain left in the whole world. _

* * *

"So everything was about your mother?" House didn't bother himself with long introductory including extended analysis.

He was just like a child, guessing and trying to make it fast, because he simply was too curious.

"House, life isn't that simple…" Cameron sighed.

House seemed bitter about this remark. He frowned his eyebrows and gave her a resentful look. There wasn't any other option, everything was just too obvious! He was sure…

Well, almost sure…

Examining people's emotions wasn't the area he felt best in. He wanted to believe that there's a tiny mechanism hidden inside the human body, which controls the emotional part and if he just could find it… Then all people's decisions would suddenly become more explainable and similar to the pathogenesis of a disease, including many difficult but understandable schemes. He didn't want to ruin all mystery of the human's mind, just to have a simplified pattern to follow the basics. He believed that, in that case, maybe he could understand people better.

Detecting lies was a definitely different procedure. Lying was one of those despicable acts. It always had a reason. But generous behavior was unaccountable and untouchable – a sacred secret. The puzzle he tried to solve was right in front of him and no matter that sometimes he thought he already figured it out, she suddenly changed and showed an absolutely different side of her, like she was some kind of illusion, existing in his dreams, consisting of his thoughts and fears, unapproachable even for himself.

"I did the right thing, although I was doing a mistake"

"We are still talking about you and your husband, aren't we?" House felt that his logical thinking dropped back from Cameron's story.

"I hurt myself trying to protect him, trying to fill his heart with happiness…"

'It's natural…" House shrugged.

"…you simply can't bear such strong emotions without damaging yourself"

"Don't talk to me like this!!!" Cameron burst out.

"Don't talk to you… how?!?" House was left in a fluster and simply couldn't understand what he said wrong.

" Like I was some kind of an angel doing no harm to others, saving everyone just because I'm too nice, spreading all the happiness around me like I had too much of it!!!" still shouting, Cameron approached him and House understood that he had never seen his co-worker so angry for an unknown reason.

But his curiosity was transfused with unexplainable fear, because no matter that she looked so aggressive from the outside, he understood that inside her head, all barriers were broken, she was asking for help, she wanted to be heard. She was almost collapsing in front of him and he was so numb that even couldn't withdraw from her.

"Don't pity me for all those efforts it sometimes takes to make things right! Blame me, because I deserved it for being "too strong" and too afraid to show my emotions! Later there were no tears left to cry, there wasn't anything to heal my pain, but it was too late. I rejected the one and only human who could understand me"

It took a single moment for House to look into her eyes and he recognized that look.

It was the same look he used to see in the mirror everyday…


End file.
